Mother's Day 2013

Of course, this year Mother's Day was the best it has ever been for me, just because Emily was in my arms to share it with. Same with my birthday, which was the day before.

I was happy both days, for the most part. But both days were still missing something....someone.

Several people wished me a Happy Mother's Day, commenting on how it was my first one but, of course, it isn't. My first Mother's Day was in 2010 when I was pregnant with Jacob. I was already a Mom, already caring for a baby with every single breath I took. He didn't need to be in my arms for the day to be more special, I was carrying him constantly. My dream of having a baby was coming true.

Mother's Day 2011 obviously was not the best. By then we had lost Jacob, August and Cub. Mother's Day 2012 was better as I was pregnant with Emily. So although Madeline and Emma were added to the babies we lost, I was 25 weeks pregnant with Emily and was hopeful (and scared, but overall hopeful and a lot happier).

So it rolls around this year. I wasn't looking forward to it, but I wasn't dreading it either. May isn't that great of a month for me anymore anyway. I bled with Jacob on my birthday, I found out he died on May 31 and June 1st is just around the corner. No babyloss Mom referred to it as my first Mother's Day since they know, but most other people did. I felt his absence, their absence, strongly and I was more emotional with tears just under the surface at different times throughout the day. I wanted to have a nice long visit with Jacob in the garden, but the weather was awful and Emily wasn't feeling well so I just ran out for a quick visit.

I am just grateful for everyday with this girl.

Mother's Day

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